oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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