I got chris browned last night
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
