I am puke
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize