i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
