Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize