I feel like I'm in dance class right now
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
