Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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