I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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