I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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