Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
