my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
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