i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
