Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
