Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
