Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
