How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
