u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just high enough for therapy.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
