Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
