sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We have started to decorate penises.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
