so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
