Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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