I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
