They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
