Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
