Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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