; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I could fuck to npr.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
