Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
