just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
