Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You have to summon your inner elephant
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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