he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
