Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
