I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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