its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
