i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you guys were way drunker than both of me
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
