no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
