i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
