He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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