I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
she told me i tasted like america
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
