We named our party play list daddy issues
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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