Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
