omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize