I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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