How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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