watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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