I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
