You can't motorboat a personality
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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