Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
this is an emotional support booty call
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
