You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Im just a social blackout drinker.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
