I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
