I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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