I would go down on you faster than GM stock
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
