he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
