good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
