my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
