It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
