You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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