Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
