I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
