Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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