i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
