My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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