So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
