i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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