oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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