I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
