Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
