I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
