I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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