They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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