Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
