Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
