Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The beer is more important than you right now.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
