hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
