Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
