Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I met the friendliest cop last night
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
