There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
