I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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